Obama Condoms

Jerry and I were taking a stroll through SoHo when we came across this guy displaying a cardboard sign over his head. We stopped for the light on the corner of Prince Street and Broadway. It wasn't much of anything until I overheard a bum releasing verbal slaps onto the cardboard sign bearer.

"You should be happy to have a black president!" exclaimed the bum, leaving behind his cart of soda cans and bottles to make sure he got a good look and a pointed finger in the face of his target.

The cardboard sign read, "Obama Condoms."

I was hesitant to flash a picture of the seller. I walked up and down the street twice trying to get the safest angle before it hit me to go and obtain a condom as definitive proof that there exists a guy on a corner in SoHo, New York wearing a cardboard sign which reads "Obama Condoms" and actually possesses such products.

I approached him.

"Where are you from?" he asked.

"Brooklyn," I replied.

"Really? Me too. What part?"

I realized the conversation was going in the wrong direction. His grin said it all.

I looked down inquisitively at the box he was holding. The left side was in fact filled with Obama Condoms. I imagined they're regular condoms housed in a decorative carton, the same way matchbooks are housed in cartons.

The right side of the box carried McCain Condoms and, to be fair, he mentioned he had Palin Condoms featuring an abortion message in his backpack.

He directed much of the focus to the assortment of sizes he carried…and, of course, Obama.

"One for five. Three for ten."

I thought about the single $1 bill in my back pocket. An Obama Condom was not worth a trip to the ATM. You'll just have to take my word for it.

I wished him luck and returned to my friend Jerry who had been waiting across the street. He initiated a homophobic rant about how "gay" I appeared from a distance for actually holding a conversation with this guy.

I couldn't help but wonder how many reactions he drew which were similar to the bum's. My idea is presidents are meant to be made fun of and popular presidents are meant to, well, sell stuff. It would be terribly discriminatory to deny Obama those privileges of the office because of the color of his skin.

However, selling condoms with someone's face on it is classic buffoonery no matter whose face it is. Everyone has got to eat somehow. At least they weren't Michael Jackson Condoms.

PEOPLE WITH A.I.D.S. PLAZA

One of the world's deadliest diseases is no laughing matter. They could've been just a little more creative here.

The photo was taken at the west side of City Hall Park. Can you imagine telling a friend, "Meet me at PEOPLE WITH A.I.D.S. PLAZA for lunch"?

Good Manners...or Jail!

Not to sound too ruffled, because, in reality, I am a proud Blackberry-wielding champion of the new millennium. Nevertheless, at times, it feels as if some of the same technological magic that we enjoy daily somewhat dehumanizes us to a degree. There's, of course, the argument that Facebook and MySpace, among other mediums, have done irreparable damage to the value of face-to-face contact and outdoor time our parents enjoyed in the past. In my opinion, there is nothing more dehumanizing than the alarm clock, however. There are times when I use a microwave and wonder how convenient it is that the machine not only heats your meal, but also beeps to signal your food is ready. The same cannot be said for the beep that resonates from your clock, cell phone, television, mp3 player, etc. demanding you depart from the warmth of your comfy valley of comforter to face the merciless coldness of the world. It's as if you're a robot responding to a remote control!

With that in mind, I boarded the Uptown 5 train the other day. New Yorkers have, over the years, become accustomed to the sounds of automated train announcements. As Orwellian as it may seem at first, announcements such as...

Ladies and gentlemen! Please help us keep our subway system clean by using trash receptacles. Thank you for riding with New York City Transit.
Ladies and gentlemen! Backpacks and other large containers are subject to random search by police.

...have become elevator music to our ears. Author, Chuck Goldstone, in one of my favorite books,
“This Book Is Not a Toy!: Friendly Advice on How to Avoid Death and Other Inconveniences” details ways in which general warnings reflect society. For example, in Chapter 4, “You’ve Been Warned”, Goldstone laments:

“Perhaps the most ubiquitous warning found in America today is on our coffee cups. With newly discovered dangers lurking within our lattes, our baristas are working behind the scenes to help keep us scald-free. The carefully worded text on the container reminds us in tiny, tiny type that hot coffee is, by definition, hot, and further implies that using your crotch as a cup holder while driving is ill-advised.
I have to admit that this is one instance where such a recommendation might ‘go without saying.’ Written warning or not, I can think of very few situations where I would voluntarily place…anything with potentially hurtful parts anywhere near my prized genitalia.”

He continues by saying these companies are forced to display such warnings, however obvious, to protect us and themselves (from lawsuits). It is understandable, then, that after the unfortunate events of 9/11, announcements such as…

This is an important message from New York Police Department.
Keep your belongings inside at all time.
Protect yourself.
If you see suspicious package or activity on platform or train, please do not keep to yourself.
Tell a police officer or MTA employee.
Remain alert and have a safe day.

…ring daily. However, I wasn’t prepared to hear an announcement asking passengers to give up their seats to pregnant women. I've always thought that was common courtesy and manners, though not very common these days. I could just imagine what the face-to-face contact generation would think of us now. I bet you didn’t know you could be fined $25 to $50 for refusing to give up your seat to the elderly or disabled. What next? “Please cover your mouth when you sneeze. Thanks for riding with MTA,” in response to the swine flu pandemic? It would be great to have those sneezing suckers fined but that's pushing it.

Another warning came earlier this week aboard the Uptown 4 train. I looked up from my Blackberry to hear:

“…do not display cell phones and other electronic devices.”

I’m sure the MTA had a good reason for releasing this message but, whatever their intent, a good 80% of the passengers on my car missed it precisely because they had on headphones connected to an […drumroll…] electronic device. In fact, I would’ve been part of the statistic had not my third pair of V-moda Bass Fréq headphones in 2 months break!

Happy riding.
Remain alert and have a safe day.